Parenting, Publications

Breastfeeding: No Shame – FabUPlus Summer ‘18 Issue

Recently I had an article published in the latest issue of FabUPlus Magazine that addressed a topic I’d like to expand on here… There is a TON of talk about women who breastfeed; should breastfeeding be allowed in public, should women face shame for feeding their children in the same way it’s always been done, should women be forced to cover up while breastfeeding, is breastfeeding the preferable choice to formula. The list goes on… But what I don’t see is the discussion about women who just plain out can’t breastfeed and the pressure and stigma they face when they can’t produce for their child.

In quick summary the article touched base on the pressure I faced from medical professionals, random strangers condemning my choice of formula, and the utter devastation I felt when I stopped lactating three months after my daughter was born. I encourage you Loves to run to the nearest Barnes & Noble or the link above to get this issue!! With that being said… I’m going to expand on each area here below. But first a little cuteness before we dive in to the ugly!

Three months after my daughter was born I stopped producing breast milk and felt like such a failure. Now mind you, the month prior my supply was already dwindling so I began to stress about it which everyone will tell you only makes matters worse. So I go to my O.B. (who is fabulous and never tries to shame me about my weight) and explain my concerns, she suggests this herbal tea that has helped other mothers with similar issues. I literally Amazon that stuff while I was still in the parking lot, two days later I start drinking this god awful forest floor tasting tea 4x a day! Nauseating. Which was a bummer because I genuinely like most kinds of tea.

Back on point: my third month and daily forest mulch tea drinks and BAM no more breast milk. Go back to my O.B. feeling panicked and upset, my husband and I had decided on breast milk and that’s what our plan had been (I’m a planner and organizer so when the plan derails so does my anxiety), and ask her if there is anything else I can do? So she prescribes this pill that for two short weeks worked but also caused my intestinal condition to worsen – so no more pills. Which left me with no way to breast feed my daughter.

I felt like a failure as a mother, never did I consider I wouldn’t be able to continue doing what countless other women have done for their babies. I felt shame that my body was somehow lacking. And every time I went for one of my daughters check ups I had to deal with nurses badgering me to ‘make the healthy choice’ for my baby. Throwing in suggestions on how to improve my lactation, rude questions about what I was eating as if my poor “diet” choices where preventing my breast milk from escaping my fatness (all that crap we plus bodies consume on an hourly basis of course – insert heavy eye roll) and tactless questions on my apparent choice of diet for my baby. Add in my hormones and I was one HOT MESS.

I’ll never forget how my husband found me on the bathroom floor crying because I couldn’t pump a drop of breast milk. Very gently he collected me off of the floor and brought me to stand over our daughters crib and told me to look and see how healthy she was. That I didn’t fail her but instead was making an effort to make sure she was provided with every vitamin and nutrients she needed, which in this case was formula, while giving her so much love that there was no way she could be anything BUT healthy.

So I made a new plan. If I couldn’t breastfeed then I’d still make sure my daughter was receiving everything she needed and more with the added formula. My daughters doctor was thrilled with her health and her growth. Which meant so should I. I began to let the anxiety go and forgave myself for being human. Some of us just can’t breastfeed and there is nothing wrong with that. And even if you can and decide not too, there’s nothing wrong with that either.

Mom to Mom – If you ever have the unwanted opinions of others barging in to your day just tune them out (or my approach – telling them to kiss my fat ass). My child is healthy and happy and that’s all that matters.

Breastfeed. Don’t breastfeed. There is no shame.

Ok parents I want to hear those crazy encounters with strangers – you know the kind I’m talking about, the kind of encounter where they impart their unwanted bat-shit crazy “parenting wisdoms” to you.

Example: as I was purchasing the formula for my daughter the check stand clerk promptly told me that as a fat person she understood that I didn’t understand I was feeding my daughter poison and it was her “moral duty” to inform me as such. I politely told her that my daughters health wasn’t any of her concern and that she should put that effort in to becoming a person who minds her own business and judges other less. The look on her face was priceless! Talking full on jaw hanging open, eyes wide and filled with shock and rage, and the utter indignation of being put her in place by a fat woman was seriously the highlight of my day.

So share those parenting gems below and let’s all have a bit of a laugh!

Kat XO

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Plus Size Fashion

Designer Gowns For Fat Bodies

As a young child fashion was unknown to me because I was forced to shop in the plus size section which most of the time only held moo-moo like designs that draped like shapeless bags on plus bodies. As I grew in to a teen fashion then became this unattainable goal. Nothing fashionable or on trend would fit my body. I’d look in the teen section and want to cry because I knew nothing was ever going to fit and I also knew I’d never find anything similar to what others my age where wearing in the plus size section. Which also meant I knew I was going to face a lot of teasing for my “marmy & old” looking clothes.

So I decided that when I graduated from high school I wanted to do something involved with plus size fashion. Why? Because I was so tired of seeing ugly plus size clothing and patterns not made for plus bodies modeled on women who certainly did not have shapes similar to mine. It’s only been recently that top designers, Like Christian Siriano, who have started to acknowledge plus bodies (and usually only when they’ve reached a certain level of stardom).

I have to say – I remember watching Christian Siriano on Project Runway and cheering him on. I loved his fashion forward designs, his attention to detail, and the incredible way he could bring the fabric to life as if it where a living and breathing entity! I absolutely love that he has been so openly supportive of plus bodies. So of course when I saw this beautiful gown for sale at the Sacramento Plus Size Swap (Hosted by the Lucky Bombshell) I knew it had to be mine! This beautiful gown had me feeling like a Hollywood starlet. All glamour, romance, and beauty. And the pattern was made for a plus body so the gown literally felt and fit like a dream.

What a lot of people tend to forget is that fashion isn’t just about wearing clothes but it’s about expressing yourself and revealing a piece of you through what you choose to wear. And fat bodies have been long denied options and choices when it comes to our selections for fashion so when a well known designer chooses to not only create plus clothing, but also creates it for fat bodies, and not to just capitalize on the body positive community they deserved to be supported.

Fashion can tend to make you feel like it’s this “out of reach” goal and that it’s only meant for certain body types. That is Not the case; I will continue seeing fashion as a personal statement of expression due to all bodies and will always argue the right for people to dress the way they feel!!

If you Loves could choose one designer or brand to create a plus size collection who would it be??

Kat XO

All images shot by House Of Winter

Publications

FabUPlus Spring Issue ‘18: Crossing Off Bucket List Goal

If you had told my sixteen year old self that someday I’d be able to walk in to a mainstream nationwide known store and buy a publication with my face in it and an article I wrote myself… I probably would have laughed and then cried. Why? Well for starters I wouldn’t have believed it. I’ve always been a fat woman. Literally, since grade school I have been plus size and I’ve spent so much of my life hiding behind self deprecating humor and clothing meant to shrink my size while hating my body and the way the world viewed it. Plus bodies gaining any positive media attention was (and still is) a huge deal and while looking up to only a handful of plus women who attained some notoriety, it was hard to see myself as beautiful or worthy of positive attention. Fast forward a decade or so and you have one heart skipping moment for lil’ ole me. Seeing my plus body and in lingerie accompanied by my words and thoughts in a publication like this… well like the title says it’s a bucket list dream goal that I can now cross of my list!

And if there is one thing I could pass forward from this experience it’d be to help inspire women and men to know and love themselves just the way they are! There is No Weight Requirement for success, love, and happiness. Self confidence is knowing your strengths and positive qualities and using them to improve your world and the lives of those around you – it has nothing to do with what size jeans you may wear. It took me years to stop beating myself up for not being thin enough and it also took me years to balance what was healthy for me while enjoying my life; FAT was always a bad word that equaled to ugly and lazy. Well, No More. This fat lady was bullied relentlessly, told I was a waste of space and that beauty was not meant for plus bodies like mine. Well guess what? It Is meant for me and it’s meant for YOU too.

This moment for me is a huge F*** You to the bullies who think they have the right to police or judge other’s bodies and I’m truly happy to be sharing it with you all. It honestly represents my determination to use the pain created by years of teasing and torment and turning those negatives into a great big fat positive.

I would love to hear your #bulliedintogreatness moments… Did you take up space and not apologize for it? Have you overcome a social fear like wearing a swimsuit in public? Did you try something a little more daring then the regular wardrobe you usually wear? Share it using the tag and watch my instastories for a special shout out – I want to share in your positive moments and create a positive community where we can cheer on those successes no matter how big or small!

Kat Xo

Would you like to own this issue or maybe subscribe to a monthly delivery? Click the link : FabUPlus Magazine