If you happened to peek in to my closet about 90% of what I own happens to be in the color black. This isn’t a bad thing but this truly got me to thinking. As a plus size child I was always taught that darker colors are the wiser choice simply because they are slimming and more “flattering” for a fat body. So of course when clothing was suggested the darker shades took the top and the brighter tones got shoved to the bottom. It was a way to minimize my appearance to appear less big. Hell of a thing for a child to have to consider but that’s beside the point.
Now when you look around my home you’ll see tons of color! From artwork to photographs, furniture (my living room set is green for goodness sakes) my tattoos, and even down to my occasional shift of hair color (I like when my hair is pink almost as much as my natural red)and nail polish… which happens to currently be a bright electric blue. I Love Color. So why then doesn’t my wardrobe reflect this? In a moment of self reflection I began to wonder: Do I really truly love to wear the color black that much or has my brain just been rewired to make clothing in this color my top choice to make myself appear “smaller” because of the constant reinforcement that fat bodies have to be slimmed down?
Well Loves, I don’t have an answer for you yet but we’re going to figure this out together. Every year on my birthday I try to make a promise to myself to work on an aspect of self growth – so what better promise to make to myself for the big 3-O!! For the rest of this year I plan on forcing myself to choose brighter shades of color and resist the temptation to buy everything in black lol! You may be asking why I plan to do this and I’m gladly going to share my reasoning with you : if the reason my wardrobe is 90% black is truly because my brain has been conditioned to choose the more slimming shades as a result from the pressure from diet culture and bullying then I need to reclaim that part of my brain and rewire it to re-include color back in my wardrobe. Think about it – that’s a huge portion of fashion choices that I unintentionally removed myself from because my brain wasn’t thinking correctly. And it’s time to take those choices back.
Kind of like when I started calling myself a fat babe. For years I would take the word Fat as an insult. A truly low blow word that would bring this toxic feeling of inadequacy and shame to me. When I reclaimed this word I reprogrammed my brain to reject the idea that this word had any negative power. It’s a word that describes something and it doesn’t have to be negative or positive so why not use my own power to make the word FAT a positive one?
I plan on exploring new brands, new color options and bold choices to ring in my Thirtieth year on this earth and I hope you Loves will join me!
Shop “Beach Don’t Kill My Vibe” top & Mustard Yellow Shorts here : TORRID